In memory of Gigi Chua (21 Jun 2000 – 09 Jul 2010)

14 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment

by Dr Misha in Uncategorized

Dear Gigi,

My biggest regret? I didn’t arrive in time to see you before you go. Doc called at 4.30pm and I was already leaving RWS. I reached at 5.15pm due to bad jam, but by the time I reached, you were already lying there motionless, eyes were dry and there was no heartbeat. My heart BROKE! :’( I thought you would wait for me! I prayed so hard when I sped out of RWS, hands shaking and mind going in a whirlwind. I remembered saying to myself, “Gigi, you must wait for jiak jiak.. you must wait for jiak jiak… i know you are a strong girl..” But you left us at 4.40pm…. Da Jie was so heartbroken too… we so dearlywant to hold you in our arms once again.

But, ultimately, I know you went in a peaceful manner. Mummy said, no wonder you suddenly had a super appetite that night. Even when you were so weak you fell flat on your tummy, you still gobbled down the food mummy gave you. Mummy said she was surprised. You knew that was your last meal, didn’t you? That’s why you suddenly had a good appetite whenthe last 2 weeks you hardly even ate.

And I realise and I thank you – for I know you waited for me to be home that night, even though you were really struggling. You kept following me around the house even though I reached home late from the 1st day of the convention. Da Jie said you fell a few times and Ah Siang said you were so weak you didnt even have strength to stand back up after peeing – you ended up lying in your pee. That was so heartbreaking to hear  And terrible ah siang didnt help u wash up huh, good thing I was back by then. I still managed to wash your legs while you stood in the bathroom, looking really thin and weak. I hope you enjoyed that last solo moment we had together After that, you insisted I carried you on my lap as I sat on the sofa while I discussed with Da Jie whether or not to send you in that night since you were weak. As you laid on my crossed legs, I felt a sudden wave of relaxation that came over you. When we had decided to send you in to ARC, we just thought we should justdo it, as by the time tomorrow comes after we come bk from work, we think you might not take it. I recall thinking how weird you were, when you did not put up any struggle when I shifted you from my lap to the carrier. You stayed exactly in the same position as you were on my lap, and totally didnt resist us putting you in the carrier like you normally would. You must be just too tired/weak, I’d thought. Who would have known that your insistence to lay on my lap was your last thing you’d wished to do, before you finally decided to let go of the fight? Who would have known that that wave of relaxation that overcame you as you made yourself comfortable on my lap, was actually you letting go of your fight to live? Still, Thank You Gigi – I’m privileged – for holding on and waiting for me, the last person in the family, to be home, and cuddle on my lap before you leave.

Kor said no wonder those few days you kept going to his lap and sat there when we are out for work. I know you know that you’d miss us that’s why you did all that.

Gigi, I must thank you for your enormous and unconditional LOVE you gave to me and the Chua family. We always treat you like a family member, and though Mummy always say want to throw you away, you know she will never bear to do that to you. It’s so weird not seeing you around at home now. Your usual “do-business” newspaper place, your new home which we bought when you suffered a bad bout of side-effects from the 1st dose of chemotherapy and which we thought was such a nice new “kennel” lookalike home, your favourite yellow ball-ball…..all these….really make me miss you so much I was still so positive when you were diagnosed with lymphoma, while Da Jie was brawling her eyes out – cos I know you are tough. Deep down, I know. And indeed, you put up a very, very, very strong fight. You insisted on STANDING and not falling, when your 1st chemo dose was too strong and you kind of lost your sense of direction and logic, very weak in your legs, and started bumping around and knocking your head all around, YET, you still insisted on WALKING and STANDING UP. GIGI, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

You were only so tiny….1 palm size. So small, yet so brave.

I still remember you always jumping onto the bed and licking my tears whenever you saw me crying my eyes out, despite me chasing you away cos I dont like dog licks. But do you know that those licks of yours really cheered me up? You always dry up my tears and made me feel that nothing’s so terrible afterall.

I love you, Gigi. You are the angel in my life, my incredible buddy, friend, soulmate, and definitely, a family of 10 years.

The only consolation is that you are finally not in any more pain. No more injections, oral or suppository medication and horrible side-effects from vincristine, the chemo drug. And I am glad I insisted NO euthanasia when you were found to have cancer, even though pa & ma kept nagging at us that we should. I know you eventually went off in peace, without any struggle, and I thank god for that.

Rest in peace, Gigi! And enjoy your favourite freedom in doggy heaven. You are a great soul. We are proud to have you for a great time of 10 years. You gave us lots of learnings and joy. The Chua family, as well as your other favourite human friend Aaron, your doggy friends – August the schnauzer, and Vodka the miniature pinscher, miss you loads. MUACKS.

Poster I bought when we got gigi 10 yrs ago

~ Your jiak jiak.

Gigi’s Life in a snapshot…in reverse chronological manner:

1st July: Her pitiful look to get me to carry her up onto my lap when i'm on the sofa. one of her last few photos..

Enjoying the window view for the last time.. 30 June

30 June: Lazing on my lap

28 June: In the car, back from 3rd dose of chemo

looking out of the window

she loves her freedom...even when she's sick

in the clinic...

12 June: Her usual spot when i'm busy with my stuff in my room

i love this pic...she's my baby. <3

Her relatively new "kennel" that we bought when she had severe side-effects to the chemo the 1st rd. we had to wrap her new home with lots of newspaper as she was having watery diarrhea which spatted all over. We're glad she liked it when she regained sanity after the side-effects wore off and always returned inside to sleep.

10 June: 3rd day after the 1st dose of chemo - just regained her sanity.

3 June: At Animal Recovery Centre Balestier waiting for doctor.

space dog

after adding the IV for the daily jabs. she was so scared of the doc & nurses - couldnt wait to jump onto our arms.

like owner like dog (30 Mar)

20 Feb: visiting doctor after doctor. post-cny.

just 5 months ago, she was so active, jumping from seat to seat.

August, her family friend. 1 yr ago.

Vodka & Gigi 2 yrs ago

Her one & only National Dog Walk in 2008

fat days

ransacking my bkk goodies

she loved sleeping on my bed

sunbasking

Her fav place if she's on my bed

8 mths old - front

8 mths old - side

Playing with her fav ball-ball at 2mths old

when she first arrived at 2 mths. 1 palm wide.

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